2An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach…1 Timothy 3:2
A potential leader should not be a ladies’ man. He should be one lady’s man, though, and that’s it.
We’re wired to hunt down and marry a woman, so we follow through and perfect certain skills and techniques to “bag” our prey. But when we’ve succeeded in our quest for the perfect woman, those skills and techniques need to be permanently shelved.
From the conquest forward, all of our attention should be directed to loving, caring for and adoring our wives. Sadly, some men like the thrill of the hunt so much they are constantly testing themselves to see if they still have what it takes to woo a woman. This is dangerous behavior, playing with fire so to speak.
This is not to say we exclude all contact with females and check our personalities at the door. It just means that our “flirting” days are over. We also immediately shut down any interplay introduced by a woman who consciously or unconsciously continues to tease, even though both parties may be married.
As to the issues of whether a divorced man can serve in formal leadership in a church, there are biblical grounds for divorce; hard-hearted adultery and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (Matthew 5:32, 1 Corinthians 7:18) . Nevertheless, if you have a pool of men who have not been divorced and meet all the spiritual qualifications, popular pastor and writer Chuck Swindoll suggests that you select the man without a divorce in his background. Certainly a widower who remarries and single men are available to lead if qualified and so inclined.
Some churches are adamant about precluding men who have a pre-salvation divorce in their past, but with years of faithful service in the church and an obvious rock-solid long-term second marriage. Yet don’t we all have a potentially “disqualifying” activity in our post-salvation past? But Paul, who by all accounts was a murderer, was free to rise to the highest levels of leadership in the church.Something to think about.
Truth is, those who from an early age have remained pure by God’s grace (How can a young man keep his way pure, by keeping according to God’s Word, Psalm 119:9), these men are ready to lead sooner, sporting a solid example in their lives.